The best sex toys for gay beginners: a starter kit that won’t scare you
Seven beginner-friendly toys and the three essentials that make them easy, with what to buy first and how to use each one.
Walking into the world of toys can feel like a lot: hundreds of shapes, sizes that look terrifying and words you have to google. You don’t need much to start. A few well-chosen toys in body-safe materials, plenty of lube and a little patience will teach you more about what you like than any amount of scrolling.
How we picked: beginner-friendly sizes, body-safe materials, easy cleaning and strong reviews from Gays+ customers. Everything here is sold at Gays+, so we’re not neutral, but we’ve said who each toy is and isn’t for. Prices and ratings below are live.
1. Your first butt plug
A plug is the gentlest way to discover anal play. It sits in place, so you can relax and focus on the feeling instead of the technique. Our Beginner Butt Plug is soft silicone, contoured to fit the male body, and comes in Small, Medium and Large, so you can start small and size up as your body gets used to it.
Tip: Start with Small even if you think you’re ready for more. Warm up with a lubed finger, breathe out as you push, and let your body set the pace. Our butt plug guide walks through it.
2. A first prostate massager
The prostate is the reason a lot of guys love bottoming, and a massager is the easiest way to find it. Ours is shaped to reach the P-spot at the right angle, with seven vibration patterns and USB charging. At 13.5 × 10 cm it’s a manageable size for a first one.
Tip: Use it lying on your side with your knees up, insert it slowly with the curve towards your belly button, and start on the lowest setting. Our prostate play guide explains where the P-spot is.
3. Cock rings to experiment with
A cock ring is the cheapest, easiest upgrade there is: you stay harder for longer and your orgasm can feel stronger. This three-pack of stretchy silicone rings comes in 2.8, 3.1 and 3.5 cm, so you can find your fit without guessing.
Tip: Wear a ring for 20–30 minutes at a time, and take it off straight away if anything feels numb, cold or painful. More in our cock ring guide.
4. A realistic dildo you can grow into
When a plug feels easy, a dildo lets you explore movement and depth. A realistic one with a suction cup is the most versatile: use it by hand, or stick it to the shower wall and ride it hands-free. Choose a size you can comfortably grow into rather than the biggest one you dare.
Tip: Width matters more than length for comfort. Check each product’s measurements, and see our guide to choosing a dildo.
5. A stroker for solo nights
Not every toy has to go inside. A stroker turns a quick wank into something you look forward to. This clear, open-ended one has a tight, ribbed hole and stretches to fit, and you can watch everything through it.
6. The essentials: lube, a douche and somewhere to keep it all
- Lube: water-based works with every toy and every material. Use more than you think you need. See the lube guide.
- A douche: if you plan to bottom, a simple bulb douche helps you feel clean and relaxed. See how to douche.
- A toy bag: keeps everything clean, private and separate, so materials don’t react with each other.
| Toy | Why it’s good for beginners | Clean it with |
|---|---|---|
| Beginner butt plug | Small, soft silicone; stays in so you can relax | Warm water and mild soap |
| Prostate massager | Angled to find the P-spot for you; seven patterns | A damp soapy cloth, keeping water off the charging port |
| Silicone cock rings | Three sizes to find your fit; stretchy and cheap | Warm water and mild soap |
| Realistic dildo | Suction cup for hands-free play; sizes to grow into | Warm water and mild soap or toy cleaner |
| Clear stroker | No insertion; open-ended and easy to rinse | Rinse inside and out; air-dry fully |
Before your first time
- Only put toys with a flared base in your ass.
- Use lots of lube and add more whenever things start to drag.
- Go slowly, breathe out, and stop if anything hurts.
- Wash toys before the first use and after every use.
- Every Gays+ order ships in plain packaging with no product names on the outside.
Tip: Shopping around? We compared packaging, billing names, returns and prices at 11 stores, us included.
Prostate massagers
Good questions
What’s the best first sex toy for a gay man?
A small silicone butt plug or a beginner prostate massager. Both are easy to use, and they teach you what you enjoy before you spend more.
Are silicone toys safe?
Silicone is non-porous, so it’s easy to clean properly. Pair silicone toys with water-based lube, since silicone lube can damage them.
How do I keep my toys private?
Store them in a plain toy bag. Gays+ ships every order in plain, unbranded packaging, and card statements show the business name, not the products.